Hey Internet Friends,
So I only think its appropriate to welcome you guys into my life today. Today has been rough for me. My parents got divorced in September of 2013. They were married for 23 years, or my entire life. I am an only child and my parents are the most important people in my life. My dad is the one who got me into music and my mom has always been my support.
When I was in high school I was hanging out with a really bad girl. She got me into a lot of sticky situations and it wasn’t healthy. When I was a senior in High School I made a sleep playlist. I was super anxious all the time and music was the one thing that helped me calm down and it would help me sleep. On this cd was Sleep by Azure Ray ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=106R-hvHlIc). I believe it was 4th on my sleep playlist. I watched the Devil Wears Prada yesterday and this song was in the movie. I haven’t listened to that soundtrack or that song in about 5 years. It’s a really great song. Anyways, today has been emotional for me and I can’t stop thinking about that song. I remember putting on my iPod and listening to it for about a song and going into my parents room telling them that I couldn’t sleep. This is going to sound silly, but I would sleep on their floor, and this happened for about a month. It was right before I graduated High School. Sleeping close to someone helped me calm down. I would lay my sleeping bag down on the left side of the bed on the floor next to the air vent. The air would kick on about 10:00 and I would put my iPod in. I would also eat stress mints and right around 10:00 this song would come on. I can remember this like it was last night. I would have Annie and Oscar (my cats) at my feet. I would be sweating because I was anxious. I felt like I was going to throw up. It smelled like wood shavings and smoked meat. It was very relaxing to me and in those quick but long minuets it took for me to fall asleep, I felt 110% safe. I knew I was going to be ok and nothing bad was going to happen to me. I had my family right next to me. It’s amazing that one song can make me feel this way again. I think it’s awesome and I think it’s a gift and I feel very fortunate.
My meditation teacher a few semesters ago told me that to help me let go of emotions I would have to listen to songs that made me feel. I decided to do this tonight. Im trying to work through those emotions of losing my family. I miss having my mom and dad together and it makes me feel lost. It makes me feel like my safety net isn’t there any more and I am free falling. I don’t think I’ve every cried so much while listening to a song. It’s been an hour and I still can’t stop crying. Music is so powerful and I never want to take that for granted. I am so grateful that my father introduced me to music at an early age and that this is a part of me. I also know that if I went through those emotions in High School, I am going to be able to recover from my parents divorce, but for now it’s really hard.
<3 C
